Mid Life Mediocrity or Why i Date old men

what is it with single men between 35 - 42? there's more of them out there than you might expect. Generally, these guys have progressed little from their second year in college, even those handful that actually did get a degree. for the most part, they've never been married, but have one really long relationship in their past, which they still pine over at drunk moments and somewhere inside they believe for fleeting seconds that they've let the one chance for love slip away, down the aisle with another man. and then they take a shot of tequila or a hit from the bong and go back to making bedroom eyes at some poor chick in a bar on a Wednesday night.

these are men that never call after you give them your number--in fact they'd rather have you call them. these are the men who are constantly trying to scrape up enough money to keep their cell phone turned on, yet seem to find plenty of money to pour into their distraction de jour, whether it be a weekly bag of weed, home brewing, motorcycle repair, music or everyone's personal favorite: drinking!

i am fed up and annoyed with the self-help dating books that tell me to hold men to a higher standard. if they don't call: then hey baby, he's just not that into you. well, i've come to think that maybe these men are not that into anyone except THEMSELVES. they fear commitment like women fear breast cancer. the minute they get that weak in the knees feeling when they lock with a set of gorgeous green eyes (or blue, hazel, brown whatever) they ball up like a doodle bug on a toddler's finger and roll away. am i really expected to believe that one of these guys will venture out and follow through with a woman if he's finally SO INTO HER? not bloody likely. these guys don't recognize good women. these are men who are either looking for a young sweetie that won't harp them for a ring or an older chick who's willing to pick up the tab, fuck them three times in a night and plan all events.

and you wonder why i'm bitter?! fuck yeah i'm bitter. i'm sick and tired of meeting you in a bar or my office building or my friend's barbecue/party/wedding and having you be personable, funny, approachable and we share all these cool vibes and then it all falls flat when it's time to settle up with the digits. invariably, i am the one who has to suggest "we should hang out sometime," and you jump at it, in your own sexy, but mediocre way: "yeah, let me give you my number." i don't want your number buddy. i'm old school in some ways and besides, i know myself well enough to know that this bitterness has birthed a bunny-boiler crazy chick deep inside of me and giving me your number is like permission to drunk dial you next thursday night and then obsess on why your number never appears in my missed call log. You call me. do not even give me your number. i can't handle the responsibility.

so let's take a purely hypothetical example that one of these mediocre men, who by the way generally are absolutely brimming with potential for greatness (and i'm all about potential, having already married and divorced a mediocre man myself), let's assume that one of these guys actually does call. A few times. and let's assume that this guy and i set up an allbeit casual but definately planned meeting (which some might have construed as a DATE, but that would make him scatter to the winds like frat boys from a fat chick), so it's not a DATE, but a simple dinner planned between friends.

so the appointed time comes, then goes. mr. mediocre doesn't call, doesn't show doesn't even have his phone turned on. (i recognize straight-to-voicemail. you're lucky i don't let that fatal attraction chick come out and stalk your fucking ass) and 24 hours later, i still haven't heard from him. no response to my breezily casual, although anger-laced message of last night. no nothing. fuck yeah i'm bitter.

this is why i date older men (or as my friends say, "old men.") over 45. they love cute chicks in their mid thirties with a bright brain, a straightforward opinion and penchant for all-night lovemaking. naturally, these are not men that are potential second husbands for me. i have no intention of bringing home a new grandpa for my two kids. but for now, i'm content to bide my time with the AARP sect and give all the good guys who are my age time to let their marriage deteriorate and in the next ten years or so, they'll be ready to start over with a great woman in her early 40s who knows men and appreciates a good one when she finds one.